


I Didn't Even Know That I Was Lonely

by Hidarkidarian



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Ancient Rome Sidequest spoilers, Gen, Panic Attacks, and Hamid needs a friend, calianna is a sweetheart, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 01:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22088110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidarkidarian/pseuds/Hidarkidarian
Summary: Hamid is so lost. But someone is there to help him find his way.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	I Didn't Even Know That I Was Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> This was written because Bryn was being mean to Hamid on the Discord. So i've kidnapped Hamid and given him a lovely friend.
> 
> Title from "All I've Ever Known" from Hadestown.
> 
> Shoutout to kimabutch for helping me review this. First fic I've completed in many years.

Hamid gasped for breath as he felt the magic break around him, the swirling vortex that had been holding him quickly dissipating. His vision came back to him slowly, pieces of color breaking through the blackness that had descended. He glanced around, trying to take stock of his situation. As he looked, he could feel the bile trying to worm its way up his throat as he realized that nothing around him looked familiar. 

It was late. Of that much he was certain. And he seemed to be in the middle of a metropolitan area. But it was like nothing he had seen before. The building surrounding him looked more akin to medieval structures than the London or Cairo to which he was normally accustomed. Cobblestone streets filled with horses and carts surrounded by fire street lamps. The few people he saw wandering at this late hour appeared to be human and halfling, but their clothing was much less modern than what Hamid wore. No automatons or remnants of such, no panicked eyes or creeping blue veins. Just the hushed sound of a sleeping city. 

_ Well, no point in standing in the middle of an alley like you’re looking for trouble. _ Hamid pulled himself forward and walked out of the alley, skirting along the side of the street until he could find an open business. 

After about ten minutes of walking, he came along a tavern that was well lit. He slipped in the door and glanced around. The interior was lit with candles in strategic locations and a large, simple chandelier in the center of the room. Hamid approached the bar and scrambled up on top of the seat. 

A human barkeep smiled and came over, her skirt swishing as she rushed to him. “Well hello there, good sir. What can I get for you?”

“Um, a wine would be great. Sweet preferably. Thank you.” Hamid places a few silver on the bar. 

The middle aged woman picked it up and raised an eyebrow as she examined the piece, but shrugged and put it in the pocket of her apron anyways. “Coming right up darling.” 

Hamid pulled at a loose string on his jacket sleeve.  _ This is not a good time to be getting a drink! I need to be back in Amsterdam with my team. I need to be able to protect them. This is like Rome all over again. My magic once again failing me and throwing me to gods only knows where and- _

His internal monologue was interrupted as the barkeep returned to him, a glass of dark red wine in her hand. “Anything else I can get for you?” She asked as she set down the glass. 

Hamid took a quick sip, trying not to wince at the slight bitterness of the wine. It was decent but definitely not as sweet as he normally drank. Cheap wine. “Well, honestly, I think I’m a bit lost. Do you know what city we are in?”

The woman laughed lightly. “You are a bit lost indeed, dear, to not know the city you’re in. But yes, you are in Zadash.”

“I’m sorry, where?”

“Zadash? In the Dwendallian Empire.”

“Oh. Right. Um, well, do you know how long it would take to get to Amsterdam from here?”

The woman raised an eyebrow. “Never heard of it.”

“Oh, right, okay. What about Paris? London? Cairo?”

“Honestly I’m not well traveled. Never left Zadash myself. But I’ve never heard of any of those places. Maybe if you ask one of the coaches, they will be going by one of those places. Wish I could be more of assistance.”

“No, thank you. You have been so helpful, um,... what was your name?”

“Aria. And yours?”

“Hamid.”

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance. If you need anything, just shout.” She shot him a wink and then continued down the bar to help another customer. 

Hamid took another sip of the wine. Honestly, it was quite good once he’d adjusted. The wine disappeared quickly and Aria refilled it once he was done. His thoughts began to spiral. He thought of all the people he had lost. Of Aziza. Of Bertie. Sasha. Grizzop. Of his failure to save them. And of all the times he could have done better. On failing Zolf. On failing Azu. 

On his fourth glass of wine, he suddenly noticed a dark shape approaching him. He tried to blink away the blurriness in his eyes. The approaching figure was draped in a long green cloak, but swishing skirts flowed forward as they stepped closer. A soft voice emerged from within the hood. “Um, hello. Would you mind if I sat next to you?”

Hamid looked warily at the figure. “Um, yes. I suppose. Hi,” he slurred. 

The figure sat down. Hamid could see a bit of dark hair emerging from beneath the hood, but couldn’t make out her face. “I hope this isn’t forward, but I wanted to say that you have beautiful scales.” The figure pointed to his claw. Hamid startled. He hadn’t realized that he was upset enough for his hands to change. He shook his claw and it changed back. The figure laughed lightly. “Oh don’t worry, you don’t have to hide that from me.” Pulling back the hood, a woman was revealed beneath. She had half elven features and long black hair that covered one side of her face. She pushed back her hair to reveal black scales and a yellow, draconic eye. “See? We aren’t that different.”

“You’re descended from a dragon too?” Hamid stammered out. The girl giggled. “I didn’t know there was anyone else like me.”

“Maybe not exactly the same. I can’t change my appearance.” She revealed her left hand, which was a black dragon claw. “But definitely similar. I’m Calianna.”

“Hamid Saleh Haroun al Tahan.”

“Well that’s such a beautiful name!”

“Thank you. I think yours is pretty too.”

“Thank you!” Calianna sat herself into the barstool next to Hamid and swung herself around to face him. “Are you from these parts?”

“Um… no. I was in the middle of a fight. And I was using magic-”

“Oh, I have magic too! Is it because of your draconic lineage?”

“Yes! I’m descended from.. well I’m not supposed to say. But they are a dragon. A brass one. Anyways, I was using magic and… something went wrong. And I ended up here. I don’t even know where here is.”

“This is Zadash. Specifically the Leaky Tap. But we are in the Dwendallian Empire.”

“And this is where I’m lost. Because I have been to a  _ lot _ of places. All over the world. Even to Rome for goodness sake. But I’ve never heard of Zadash or the Dwendallian Empire.”

Calianna furrowed her brow. “Where is Rome?”

“You’ve never heard of Rome? Oh dear. I do think I am properly lost. I don’t think I’m even in the same world. Have you ever heard of the Meritocrats?” Calianna shook her head. “Oh dear. Well. That’s it. I’m lost.” Hamid took a swig from his glass. “I’m lost and my friends need me and yet again, I have been taken away from them. This is like Sasha and Grizzop all over again. I don’t even know what has happened to them. If I were more competent these things wouldn’t happen. And they would still be with us and everything would be fine and the twins would be the same age and Aziza would still be alive and Bertie would still be alive and that stupid prank wouldn’t have killed anyone-” he cut off as his breathing became too rapid and he glance around, trying to find something to latch on to. 

“Okay, okay, calm down.” Calianna grabbed his wine glass and set it on the bar. “Can I touch you?” Hamid nodded. Calianna laid her hand on his shoulder and grabbed his hand with her claw. “Follow my breathing. In… and out… in… and out.” Hamid’s breathing regulated and he looked down at the claw holding onto his hand. He allowed that hand to transform into his own small claw and held on tightly to Calianna’s. “You are going to be okay. Do you want to talk?”

Hamid nodded, wiping the tears that he hadn’t realized he’d cried off of his face. “There’s... been a lot. I have done a lot of bad things. I’m a bad person.” He sniffled. “I am part of a mercenary group. We try to protect people. But mostly I just end up hurting people. My sister is dead because I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to Kafka. I was feebleminded and he killed my sister. And Bertie. At the same time. And we all had to go to Rome, which is  _ the Worst _ , because someone kidnapped my brother to manipulate me. And now Ismail is older than Ishaq because it took so long for me to get him back. And two of my teammates, Grizzop and Sasha, haven’t made it back from Rome yet. I don’t even know if they are still alive. And all this happened because I was  _ stupid _ at university and wanted to pull a  _ dumb  _ prank and people died! And it’s all  _ my _ fault!”

Calianna squeezed their claws together. “I understand what it’s like to think everything is your own fault. And honestly, I don’t know the situations in which these things happened. But I can assure you that this isn’t all your fault. Hamid. Look at me.” Hamid raised his eyes to meet hers. “You being Feebleminded is not your fault. You were there trying to do the right thing and that Kafka guy saw you as a threat. So he did something in response. The deaths of your sister and this Bertie person were not your fault. They were Kafka’s. 

“Your brother being kidnapped may have happened because of you, but you saved him. Yes, there are repercussions, apparently some sort of time passage that I do not understand - ”

“Pocket plane with slow time progression.”

“ - but your brother is now safe and reunited with the rest of your family. Dynamics change but the family is still there. 

“Grizzop and Sasha are part of your team. They knew what they were getting into when they joined. You are all mercenaries, right? As such, you take on your own responsibilities. You work as a team but are in a large amount of danger at any time. And like you said - you were separated! You don’t know what happened. For all you know, they could be reunited with you tomorrow.”

Hamid sniffed, wiping his nose on the napkin he had been provided. 

“Please, Hamid. Don’t let the past stop you from moving forward. From what I can tell, you care. A lot. Which means you are better than most people in this world. Although I honestly don’t know if that’s common in your world or not. Anyways. We will get you back to your friends and you will save the day. I believe in you, Hamid.”

“Thank you Calianna.”

“Now, let's get you some rest. No use returning you to your friends while you are drunk. In the morning, I’ll get in touch with some people. We will get you home Hamid.”


End file.
